Become your own best friend.

Adam Zapel
4 min readOct 22, 2021

We know how to be good friends to others: dedicated, loyal, encouraging and empathetic, mobilizing when needed, laughing, having fun and celebrating together the achievements and the happy and less happy things. It is important to remember that man is a social creature who is affected by every social connection in which he exists. It is a basic need to be in touch, to feel belonging, approval and acceptance.

At the same time, the question arises, how come we know how to be a good friend after, and it is difficult for us to be a good friend of ourselves? Being friends with ourselves is the same as being friends with everyone else. Once you realize that being your own best friend requires the same kind of attention and effort, as being someone else’s friend, Finnish is an amazing obstacle. Many of us do not imagine that we are a human being just like everyone else! We know how to easily recognize what the other needs, but somehow it does not occur to us that we ourselves deserve the same treatment, attention and dedication.

This is a blind spot that for most of us develops in childhood. As children we have natural developmental flexibility. You can make a child believe in almost anything — that there is a “tooth fairy” on the one hand and that it is not enough due to behavior, thought and action. A look, saying and harsh reference from an adult is sometimes inevitable, but also hurtful. Children activate conditioning to varying degrees, through the adults’ treatment of them … if so …. at this point the place of self-worth develops, and the question of how worthy I am.

The same conditioning may teach that thoughts, feelings, actions and even appearance, are not good enough. If so, it is no wonder that many people do not feel good enough and deserve to be their own friends. This perception may continue into adulthood. The person continues to believe the thoughts, self-perceptions and emotions that accompanied him from childhood. The conclusion that something is wrong with them and that they are unworthy.

These are human thoughts and feelings on one level or another. There is no shame in experiencing, feeling and thinking. Self-criticism is good when it is focused and not inclusive, one that may aim for change. In many cases, professional help may help.

Despite this the question arises why is it important to be your own best friend? The relationship with yourself is the most important and lasting that you will ever have. Always be with yourself even when people accompany your life along the way. At certain times and circumstances, close people are not available. Hence the importance of being able to trust yourself and meet your emotional needs, even if not all of them.

Expecting others to be there for you all the time is not practical. Can leave us disappointed, frustrated, hurt and with a sense of rejection. But, when we learn to pay attention to thoughts, feelings and reactions (including the physical ones) we can learn to trust ourselves, especially in difficult times. This will allow for greater emotional well-being.

One should learn to accept yourself as you are, as someone close and loving accepts you, even if he has a critique of you. Pay attention to your qualities without comparing yourself to others. When you find yourself critical of yourself, try to discern what you are struggling with. Replace criticism — with compassion and benevolent interpretation without ignoring reality.

How well do you know yourself? In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is easy to lose what is important to you, what you love. Understanding and awareness are important parts of being a good friend to yourself. Knowing yourself is like experimenting and re-learning your goals and values; Check what feels right to you.

Rejoice yourself, as you would rejoice a friend to brighten his day and relieve him of the burden.

Without setting self-boundaries, there is a danger of emotional flooding, burnout, anger, disappointment, and giving “permission” to treat you unfairly and badly. Assisting a friend you trust may help protect your boundaries and encourage you to stand on the things that are important to you, tell your truth and ask to be treated with respect. Practicing healthy and right boundaries for you, brings you closer to yourself.

Building and establishing friendships with yourself is a process just like any other company. This requires re-acquaintance, investment of time, resources and a commitment to openness and self-sincerity. Being a better friend to yourself starts with small steps: listening, relating, caring and learning to be yourself. The part of loving and trusting yourself, will develop over time into good friendships where your life will be enriched in you.